My Mom

 Even though I don't show it very well,

Even though I constantly mess up,

Constantly fall,

Constantly stumble over my words and mistakenly hurt her,

I love my mom.

She is a beautiful woman, 

Full of strength,
Full of life,

Full of love and hope and joy.

I love my mom.

I have watched her as our family has gone through hard times -

I have watched as she doesn't give up,

How she always fights for her family.

I have watched as she works herself until she is exhausted so that she can put another meal on the table.

I have watched her do five loads of laundry a day,

I have seen how she teaches the small children,

How she talks with us older children,

and

I have watched as she pours out her heart for us.

I love my mom.

I have watched while she hurts -

Whether physically or emotionally.

I have watched as she has cared for a family of eleven and I have watched as she cares for two elderly parents.

I have watched as she is in pain from a broken vertebrae and yet she keeps going, keeps working, keeps providing, keeps loving.

I have watched, shamed, as I hurt her through something I did, something I said, 

And I have watched as she always forgives me, always loves me, always accepts me.

And through all of this,

As I have watched,

I have realized

Just

How

Much

I love my mom.

And just how much she loves me.

I realize just how much I value her friendship, just how much I need her in my life. 

I realize just how much I love her.

When I speak to her,
I can never seem to find the words to say it all.

I can never find the words that will express my thoughts, 

the words that will tell her just how much I love her and value her and admire her 

and just how much I hurt when she hurts, how much more it hurts when I realize that I've hurt her.

I love you, mom, and I couldn't imagine my life without you.